Trauma-Informed Care at Home: Parent-Led Techniques Backed by Polyvagal Theory
Parenting isn’t easy—especially when your child is constantly melting down, freezing up, or struggling to connect.
You may be asking yourself:
“Why can’t they just calm down?”
“Why is everything a battle?”
“Why do they act fine one minute and totally shut down the next?”
At Same Stars Wellness, we support families in understanding the why behind these behaviours—and how you can make a real difference at home. Trauma-informed parenting doesn’t require a diagnosis or a perfect routine. It starts with understanding the nervous system.
💡 What Is Polyvagal Theory?
Polyvagal theory explains how our nervous systems are wired to respond to cues of safety, danger, or disconnection.
Instead of seeing behaviour as a choice, we begin to view it as a state of regulation. A child who is melting down may not be being defiant—they may be in a fight-or-flight response. A child who withdraws may be in shutdown.
Their behaviour isn’t manipulative—it’s protective.
The Three States of the Nervous System:
Safe & Social (regulated): your child is calm, connected, and able to learn or play
Fight-or-Flight (mobilized): they’re yelling, running, or lashing out
Shutdown (immobilized): they become silent, numb, or disconnected
🧠 This shift in understanding—what we call polyvagal-informed parenting—can transform how you respond to your child.
🚨 Signs of Nervous System Dysregulation in Kids
If your child is dysregulated, you might notice:
Frequent meltdowns or emotional shutdowns
Refusing eye contact, hugs, or verbal interaction
Startling easily or seeming ‘jumpy’
Struggles with transitions or changes in routine
Difficulty following multi-step instructions
You’re not a bad parent. Your child isn’t broken.
They just need nervous system support—and you can offer that right from home.
🛠 Trauma-Informed Tools You Can Use Today
These tools are grounded in regulation, connection, and co-regulation—and they’re easy to build into everyday life:
🌀 Rhythmic Movement
Rocking, swinging, bouncing on a yoga ball, or rhythmic massage can calm a distressed system.
🎵 Calm Tone + Consistency
Low, slow voices and predictable routines tell your child: You are safe. You can relax.
👐 Sensory Supports
Fidgets, chewable jewelry, noise-cancelling headphones, or compression wear can help kids stay regulated.
🌙 Connection Rituals
Bedtime check-ins, shared breathing, or even a secret handshake can anchor your child in safety and relationship.
These may sound simple, but they speak directly to the part of the brain that controls survival—not logic.
💬 Real Support for Real Families
We understand that no two kids are alike. What works for one child may not work for another. That’s why our OTs offer individualized parent coaching, helping you:
Understand your child’s unique regulation profile
Create tools and routines that actually work
Support yourself while supporting your child
Because you deserve care too.
📞 Ready to Start?
We can help you feel more confident and connected in your parenting—and help your child feel safer in their body and their world.
Contact our team to learn more about working with our trauma-informed OTs.
📚 Further Reading: Dr. Arielle Schwartz on Polyvagal Theory for Kids
You’re already doing so much.
Let’s make sure you don’t have to do it alone.
